So, about a month ago I was feeling completely shitty. Now I'm feeling much, much better <: It's all thanks to all the help I've received ♥ Also, I'm actually kind of exhausted right now (though I really don't know why... it's only 8-ish PM now) so excuse any incoherency.
On Tuesday, I went to a see counsellor. Just an ordinary counsellor. I told her about my problems and dilemma, how I was feeling unmotivated and all that stuff. There wasn't much she could do but she made me do this evaluation test and the results were that my interests lies mostly in arts, followed by culture (and language, stuff like that) and finally nature. She also noted that my face immediately lit up whenever I talked about anything art-related. I thought that was pretty interesting, but never really noticed it until two days later. After that, I told her about my social awkwardness - how I try to avoid people, the uncomfortable and upsetting feeling I get when I'm with too many people, and how I even avoid making friends (because people just annoy me). My sister thinks this is really bad and I was starting to get worried about myself, too. Surprisingly, the counsellor said that it was alright and that I'm just an introverted person. Unfortunately, life is going to be tough for introverted people in uni, since there's just so much socialising. Well, shit happens I suppose. I'll just have to.... get used to it. Anyways, she referred me to a career counsellor since she thought maybe studying would be a bit better and easier if I actually had a goal in mind. So fine, I made an appointment for Thursday.
Thursday came. The counsellor was pretty helpful this time. We listed down my likes and dislikes of Marine Science and Arts, along with some other stuff like my values, interest, experience, abilities and... one more thing. After listing down everything, she concluded that the best way too make me happy is to do a bit of both. So we looked at a list of degrees and found a joint degree for Bachelor of Arts - Bachelor of Science. Now, that sounded like a mighty fine idea. So I went to the Faculty of Science and Engineering to talk to the counsellor (more counsellors -_-;;). She listed down the necessary credits for the BSc Degree and told me to head to the Faculty of Arts to find out more about BA. Coolbeans, that's what I did. Unfortunately, I then found out that BA is actually arts in the traditional sense - language, culture, etc. That wasn't the art I wanted. Apparently, what I'm looking for is actually Creative Arts. Fine, I go all the way to the Faculty of Creative Arts (though I actually got lost and went to the Faculty of Law instead). I talked to the lady there and she gave me a list of possible majors in New Media Arts. Looking at it, I thought majoring in Illustration would be good and possibly a minor in photography. But I was still skeptical, even though the lady noted that I already had a decent background in a few fields in art. So I went home kind of broken-hearted. I thought I had found a solution but in the end, all I did was just walk around in circles. Literally. Around the campus. Sigh.
I reached home and then decided to talk to Kiran, who's in Media Design. She gave me lots of great advice along with her experience, and strongly vetoed Illustration, hah. So after talking to her... I decided to give Marine Science another chance. Both my sister and Kiran advised that first year subjects are always very general and boring, and that I shouldn't be put off by that. Which was true, really. I mean, I haven't actually touched upon a single Marine Science subject. My dad also told me that maybe what's actually putting me off was statistics and I think that might be true. By the way, I actually passed statistics Shockingly. Actually, even the faculty counsellor seemed surprised. Like she was expecting lots of people to fail or something. Well, anyways! Basically, I'll be continuing in this course for a while. But if I'm still struggling, then I think I will definitely switch to Arts. I'm not giving on Arts (sorta). My dad says that once I finish this degree, I can still do other stuff that I'm interested in. Anyways, we'll see how things go. I'm planning a trip to Reef HQ; hopefully I'll be reminded of the reason why I love the ocean so much. Besides, I like this place. Perfect for the quiet and peace-loving Belle.
And soooooooooo. I want to thank everyone who've been extremely helpful and understanding. Especially my sister, the two Art friends I talked to and of course stupidaquarius (I want to give you a big kiss ♥). You know, because I'm so introverted I never ever open up to anyone. My thoughts, problems and emotions are always bottled up inside me. But just like the physical chemistry of pressure and particles, too much pressure within a body will eventually lead to a disaster - a big kaboom. Maybe because I feel like I ought to be strong and shouldn't rely on anyone else. It worked pretty well until this came up. I think when a strong person suddenly faces a wall they can't overcome, they just.... become so hopeless and weak. Like how I was, four weeks ago. But that's over. No more staying up at night worrying and no more tears. I'm sick and tired of being upset and it's time to move on to happier things.
Speaking of happier things, I do actually have quite a few of those. First - my dad told me to get a PS3 And so I did The only games I have so far are Final Fantasy XIII, which I spent about 100 hours on and I have no intentions to touch this game again for the next five years, Resident Evil 5, which I kind of abhor but will keep because I am determined to reach at least the first boss with Ash even though we both suck balls in this (we've never survived through the VERY FIRST PART OF THE GAME), and Marvel vs. Capcom 3 which I just bought. I haven't played it yet since I've been pretty darn tired but all I can say is Zero, Zero, Zero, ZERO, ZEROOOOOOO ♥ I LOVE ZERO. I'm glad they picked him over Megaman, really. I'm also pretty darn happy that we get Morrigan, Felicia AND Hsien-ko. Especially Felicia, I love 'em catgirls in skimpy clothing with bouncing tits /freakyclosetlesbian. Still looking for PS3 games to play. I've always wanted to try Resonance of Fate since I love JRPGs but I don't like grinding >: And the only JRPGs that I know of are FFXIII, RoF and Star Ocean 4. I'm also looking at some PSone classics. I'm quite pleased that we have Suikoden but where's Chrono Trigger!? I'll probably pick up a few fun games like Pocket Fighter (I love this one sfm), Bomberman Land (love this one, too) and... I was going to get Chocobo Racing but it's only available in the Japanese PSN :\ And of course, I'm waiting for Final Fantasy V! Might consider a few Super Robot Wars titles on the Japanese PSN but in terms of SRW games, I'm mostly looking forward to Z2-II Hakai-hen, which will most likely be released in December. I'm dyiiiing to see Gundam Epyon.
And speaking of Gundam Epyon, I received my Master Grade Gundam Epyon Endless Waltz version (or ver.Ka, really) model kit on Tuesday. I spent 10 hours on it, TEN.
A pretty darned sexy beast, if you ask me. Also comes with a teeny, tiny Zechs figurine. Will post more photos of it some other time. I can't wait for Full Armor Sandrock. I hate myself for being such a huge Gundam Wing fan
and a batshit insane 6x9 shipper some times. But then, I'm just a big Gundam fan in general.
Speaking of Gundam Wing, I did a quick sketch of Heero. The face is horribly off, I know that! The eyes need adjustment (this is the one time I DID NOT start with drawing the eyes) because I just randomly slapped them on, and the jaw line needs to be higher since he's sort of looking up. I mostly need to make sure his body isn't off, since I usually suck at posture and drawing guys. Also, don't even mention his right arm. I couldn't be arsed to draw it since I plan to hide it behind his torso >__>
I like the shirt, though. I plan to put David Bowie's face on it.
Also, well, there's been a few exciting things going on in my doll hobby. Especially my new girl, who is sadly still incomplete ): I'm so out of touch when it comes to painting them. I need to ask my sister to buy paint thinner. I'm also hoping to make her a simple top soon. Poor girl is naked with no clothes of her own. She's too tomboy-ish for Gertrude's ultra girly clothes. She doesn't have her own eyes, either. All she has are two wigs, lol. My sister also sent me my two floating heads - my Lightning head which is going to be... well, Lightning, and the Miho head which I'm planning to paint as Bartz. But I have no guy dolls. So I'm going to *gasp* temporarily put him on a girl body. Once I paint him up and get him a wig, hur hur hur.
And so, things are definitely looking better for me. Which is great, because the past few weeks have been pretty pathetic with me doing nothing but sleeping the whole day. I have two weeks left until school re-opens so I'm going to spend some time doing more drawing (hopefully) and reading up on my new subjects. I've enrolled in Descriptive Physical Oceanography, Introduction to Sedimentology, Marine Ecology and and Environmental Assesment and Invertebrate Biology for this semester. I'm looking forward to Sedimentology the most, and Invertebrate Biology as well but that's mostly because I love one of the lecturers.
Also also..... well, thanks again to all who helped me ♥ I appreciate it, truly :3
PS: I changed the layout. If you think you're seeing black smudges/specks on your screen, you're most likely not. It's my layout.